


How Not To Crash an Alien Spacecraft

by Alys_Brauer



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Crack, Star Trek Beyond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 08:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7677814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alys_Brauer/pseuds/Alys_Brauer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An interpretation of what happens in the ten or so minutes between Bones saying he’s going to land the craft at the end of Beyond, and the epic rescue of Captain James T. Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Not To Crash an Alien Spacecraft

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Beyond again, and [stuff](http://mckirkish.tumblr.com/post/148434631380/okay-just-got-back-from-seeing-star-trek-beyond) occurred to me. So I had to write it out.

“Now I just have to figure out how to land this thing.”

A favourable sentiment, but one that is evidently much harder to enact than it is spoken. The doctor makes another loop around the same building that they have been circling for the last 3.58 minutes since he’d first stated his intent to land. There’s been no actual movement down toward the ground below, and neither of them are serving any further purpose in the air at the moment.

“Doctor, may I suggest the plaza twenty-eight point three degrees to our left? It shows the least sign of life signatures and thus has the lowest probability of civilian casualties if it should prove that you are once again unable to land this ship.”

“Dammit, Spock! I’m a doctor, not a mathematician! If I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it!” Leonard snaps, his southern earth accent becoming more distinct with his rising irritation.

“I was merely trying to aid you doctor-”

“If it weren’t for you we wouldn’t be in this mess now would we? Dammit! I told you! I’m a doctor not a fighter pilot. I can’t believe that either of you thought this was a bright idea.”

Spock continues to scan the screen in front of him, tracking the movement below. He takes a moment to glance over his shoulder and up at the doctor perched on the motion sensitive controls. “It was the most logical solution. As this is a two man vessel, and you were the one piloting before, suggesting you accompany me was the most effective way to assure Jim of my relative safety.”

Leonard snorts, and Spock is familiar enough with the doctor’s facial expressions that he can clearly picture it, narrowed eyes, raised eyebrow and all. “Don’t think you could call what I did back there piloting exactly, I crashed us into a planet…and a building.”

“You did quite admirably under the circumstances doctor, especially considering your condition.”

“My condition? Would you be referring to my very rational fear of dying in anything flying? Because now’s probably not the best time to be reminding me- oh fucking hell!”

The ship suddenly drops into a dive, jarring Spock’s still tender side as they move just as sharply to the right as well. For a moment it’s hard to breath, the pain from his thoracic region adversely impacting his ability to fill his lungs, as well as think coherently.

“Now see what you did you hobgoblin bastard? Stop distracting me!”

Spock lifts an eyebrow, though he knows full well that the doctor can’t possibly see him. The display is showing that instead of his suggested course, the doctor is now directing the alien craft directly for the most crowded area in the plaza.

“Doctor, you are headed directly toward-”

“I can see that! Stop back seat driving you green-blooded mutant!”

If possible, Spock’s eyebrow rises even higher. He’s noticed that the doctor tends to insult those around him the more stressed he gets, which is advantageous to neither of them in this exact moment. “There is no rear in this vehicle, Doctor.” Humor had helped Leonard to calm down before; logic dictates that it should have a positive effect this time as well. “In fact I am positioned under, and ahead of you, and thus have the perfect view of the crowd you are rapidly approaching. It would be best if we returned to our previous, circuitous course.”

“What exactly are you getting at, Spock?”

“Nothing at all, Doctor. I am simply pointing out that our previous path of continuous circles was far less hazardous to everyone involved, ourselves included.”

Leonard pulls back hard on the steering device, causing them to rise abruptly once more. Spock grits his teeth, but refrains from commenting further as he has no wish to provoke Leonard into driving them directly into the building they’d previously been circling.

“There! Happy now?” Leonard asks wryly, indicating his own unhappiness with the situation by using his customary irony.

“I don’t see what there is to be happy about, Doctor. We are currently still in the air and back to our circular path. Though I will admit that it is preferable to dive-bombing civilians already in a state of panic.”

“Well that’s just peachy. Would you stop talking now so I can land this buzzing death machine?”

Before Spock can formulate a response, their comm’s buzz to life with first Jim’s, and then Lieutenant-Commander Scott’s voices, positing a plan to stop Edison. It’s not a very good plan. Then again, that is fairly standard for their Captain.

“Dammit, Jim! You’re not going to make it.” Leonard curses under his breath.

This time Spock agrees with him.

“Leonard, might I suggest-” Spock pauses, waiting for the customary interruption at this point. When nothing is forthcoming, he glances over his shoulder to see Leonard’s desperate eyes staring down at him – which can’t be safe considering that they’re still moving at quite a high velocity through the air of a settlement filled with buildings.

“Dammit, Spock! Don’t learn how to hold your tongue now! What have you got, man?”

Resisting the urge to raise both his eyebrows, Spock returns to the viewing screen. “Correct your course two degrees to the right, and rise twenty feet. If we time this correctly, it is possible to save Jim.”

“Right, hang on tight, darling, it’s time to get this stallion past the finish line.”


End file.
